To Aid An_ Cage
2002-04-05 - 10:08 p.m.
through(living)
what does it mean to be bored and why do I prefer to be mean or search for meaning when I am bored alone in the day and orgainizing my abstract thoughts on music into neat and orderly heavy binders of compact discs taken from my hellish retail job without permission and I actually went to the dentists today then went to my old high school and felt very depressed and sad and bored and smoked a j with a few old acquaintances and went home and called it a day can you believe that? I called that a fucking day and all I did was go to the dentists and feel extremely sad about myself and my location and the waste of my time and all I wanted to do was something and all I did was think about doing something else that would be more fun then what I was doing right now and it haunts me to think that if I'm not doing something I will get depressed or I can only be happy when I'm doing something or occupied with something and it feels like such a cold cage I'm building around me when all I wanted to do was live I wanted to aid and now I cage myself in around dark cold bars traveling into and out of my space and sense of space but I shun them and this and I believe that I can transcend but all I get or most of what I get is mocking and disapproval for my actions and words from old acquaintances but I did learn something by god today or by god I learned something while passing through hell today and it was so true and simple and uncontrollable and sad and it was that I really hate my high school and the people and ideas there in in my head where that all exists together and I just needed to finalise and remind and destroy hope and peace in there as it will never fill those halls and it is a shit hole like I always hear and say it is and I will never return like this again and again I say I learned it true but truely I am only learning through living.PEACE - Tristan
before || after
