To Aid An

2007-12-23 - 10:56 a.m.

dreams surrounding my family Christmas celebration

I had a dream two nights ago and one last night. in between these dreams, I had my close family Christmas celebration. I have some belief that the dreams were enhanced by dietary choices (cheese, booze, etc.), but I will try to detail the more surreal experience of them as I, the dreamer, remember them to be. The first one (two nights ago) took place in a house. I was living there with a couple other guys (Anthony and Liam, I think), but I cannot remember specifically who. I think I remember Anthony clearly, but because we lived together in Tofino. A crazy woman appears out of somewhere, like an uninvited rodent. She looks older, with grayish-yellow hair, and she is wearing a cheap blue hat with the front flipped up and something tapped underneath the brim. She looked to me like dozens of people I have seen all mashed together into one--people from riding transit for years in Scarborough, from going for buts outside CAMH and mingling with the people from the fifth floor. She wears many layers of clothes that are slightly stained, like her hair. She has glasses with bright, metal frames, and her teeth show when she smiles with a gap between the front two. She reminded me of Hornick, a character I used to do in High School for my friends. She followed me around and was talking in simple and sometimes cryptic one liners. She seemed harmless, which is probably why I allowed the dream to go on as long as I did, but I was first wary of her, then frightened of her, and wanted her to leave. She gave me the same feeling I would get from encountering a sick, wild animal--uncontrollable and given to irrational moves and motives--but she was also like a clown: always smiling. I finally got her to leave the house, and was following her out. There was a walkway leading out to a split in a large hedge that surrounded the house; there was a gate on the path between the hedge and the house. She disappeared behind the hedge, then darted back in toward the gate. I rushed to close the gate and she attacked me.
I woke up. It was five thirty in the morning, and I couldn't get back to sleep.
The dream I had last night was more emotional. Until I turned to see my mother was there with me, it began in the same way I remember Liam and my adventure to steal a canoe from his old camp began. I was at my old canoing camp and planning to get two kayaks. When I found I was there with my mom, I assumed she was there to look at kayaks. The way I got there was like finding a specific place on Google Maps or Google Earth--I started way out far away from the place, then came in from above going down closer and closer. I went down to far and actually went underwater, where I saw some kids I remember from camp who looked surprised to see me. I came up onto the dock and went into some kind of kayak store that was magically there. I looked around, then left. Outside I bumped into my old camp director, Polly, who didn't recognise me at first (because I had sunglasses on), and called my by my aunt's first name. This spooked me quite a bit, because I had gotten kicked out of this camp (for a reason I couldn't remember in the dream), but my aunt's two boys had also gone to this camp when they were young, and stayed on to become counsellors. I sad I wasn't and kind of curtailed the conversation so that I could head toward the dinning hall for a meal. Inside, I met a bunch of kids that I kind of remembered from an old cabin of mine. They were at first interested to see me, but more indifferent, then one of them got more passive aggressive and asked me if I was going to hit him (I later remembered that I got booted from the camp for hitting a camper [not a punch]). The "friends" of mine then all got up and walked away, and I was left alone without anyone who acknowledged me, and afraid of the camp director remembering who I was. The "friends" who left were sitting at a table, and I looked over from where I was against the wall to see a couple of them playing saxophone. The sound in my head was not what they were playing, and I got the sense that this was a scene being filmed for something, and the shots would be cut to hide the inconsistencies with the fingering.
I woke up really sad. It was raining--is raining--and I was very conscious of the pain I endured from getting kicked out of that camp. I felt like I had some intense, latent, anger/rage problems I needed to deal with, and I felt like crying.

I figured I should write them out. Here they are.
Christmas is wonderful, and very good to me, and I think these dreams are more convalescent in nature.

PEACE - Tristan

I also want to address my obvious lack of updating here. I had bold plans to leave this site. I backed up all my entries and imported them into a WordPress blog, but I just didn't like dealing with them all. I have a lot of stuff here, and the way in which I was able to manage them over there didn't help me to make an easy switch. I like it here. It is ultimately familiar. I think I just needed a break. I'd like a new look to my page, but I can manage that here when I learn HTML a little better. I'm back, and I don't think I will leave again.

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