To Aid An_ Cage
2001-07-19 - 3:18 p.m.
Dream(Italy)
back again and the day is beautiful and clear and bright and somewhat ecstatic I am at the thought of it having an ending as nothing else really does but I feel kind of bad that I'm looking forward to leaving. I love it but I look forward to loving it from a far is that a good enough excuse or should I cry at the thought I have been here for close to twenty days and I have so much to remember that I'm already starting to forget and I don't want to keep forgeting I just want to remember it all even if that means shutting down for a while I don't know what it is going to be like when I get back I have been detached for so long but I look forward to it as that is all I can do I can look back when I get there but that is not yet and the yet that is now is me in Italy and I watched the sun set in a farmers field last night and wrote a bad poem as they have all been bad here but it is only to be assumed that when you are in a beautiful place like this your mind can only take in and not put out and that is the cause but the photos are all I really have and the books and assorted writings and class notes and fading memories that disappear even as I sit here typing they disappear and I feel like I have done but not done enough and that is the sadness and inner wrestle with existentialism like I am responsible for the whole world and I'm just not doing it right but I have tried and I lie and you see the problm through my words and scattered syntax of grammerless passage of prose that lacks and wax drips from some prayed over candle that sits in one of the endless churches here and spells my name in neon on the marble wall of saint Francis but God turned the power off in that place years ago and now only the skeletal remains of that name can be glimpsed on the window as you peer into my house which holds the key to that endless battle here in me that is so clearly visible on your screen but in your head the curtain is nailed to my window and you can never look in at me sitting by the fire and dreaming a surreal dream of Italy
I'll be home soon to share what I canI still miss you
Peace - Tristan
before || after
