There is a bond between us. In time, we have grown to know each

other well, we have shared so much of our lives with each other, but

we've drifted. We are not together; we are not whole--you know this.

I could never really live in the city. Ever since an early age I

could always feel myself pulling away. There was something stiff in the

air--everyone always walking around like they taste cough syrup

in everything. I remember the first time I saw a dollar bill--the first

time I felt a coin in my hand. There was a coldness to it--in the faces

on the bills. A chill in the weight of the metal in my hand. It took my

heat, the warmth of my hand to give it value. A value worth trading for

life's essentials--food, shelter, warmth at night. But also other

things--new essentials, automobiles, refrigerators, house insurance,

television, paxil, Zoloft, welbutrin, a second closet, second house--a

second life. The city is a rat maze with exit signs glaring red all

around. It's hard to remember, but I remember you. With your help I

threw it off. Now I'm free.

I quit my job and started reading full time at the library. I took

notes. I dreamt of places where value was in the action, not the

price--where victory was always in the attempt. I yearned for a freedom

outside of shopping malls, a freedom I couldn't vote for. It didn't take

long till I discovered what I needed. Money is not necessary for the

gathering of life's essentials. Food is easily obtained from grocery

storefronts, food courts, shallow dumpster dives--it isn't where you look

as much as how you look at it. The Gulls don't pay for food, and they're

still flying free. Sometimes I have enough to share, sometimes I don't.

I like to keep moving, and not just because I love to travel. It's

all free now. I can go anywhere. I can hitchhike, I can hide inside a

flatbed, I can hop onto boxcars and watch the land pass away. You get a

real sense of movement, and the movement of life around you when you're

staring at it from the open side of a boxcar. Every little movement of

the train you feel inside. Every little bump and grind. When I arrive,

I immerse myself and observe. I don frightening costumes, to fill my

stomach and mind.

I have a suit I picked up from behind goodwill. It demands

impeccable service from hotels, and lets me eat, laugh, and applaud from

my seat next to the food troughs at weddings.

This pizza bag works like a ticket at stage doors. The pizza man is

always welcome. Sometimes I feel invincible.

A security guard is always needed at concerts or on set; just a word

on a shirt and a whole craft table to myself.

I'm also a Janitor,

Stock boy,

Orderly,

Construction worker.

These characters help me survive. I keep them all here. This is

where I live. The city supplies me with food, clothing, and shelter all

free of charge. It isn't much, but I don't want much--just enough to

live. Sometimes when I can't sleep, it gets so lonely here, but I always

feel better when I think of you. We had such good times together--always

helping each other and laughing. But you went away. Oh god Erin. We

understood each other so well, but you couldn't agree. You thought some

of my methods were wrong.

I guess you've already figured out why I'm writing you. I want to

tell you and show you how much I've changed--how I've seen and learned

things here that give a new light to what I'm trying to do. Something's

out of place in this world. It took me a little while to understand it,

but its here now. Its money. Money is the shit--the dirt under the

nails. The whole concept is killing me--the math; the metaphor. I'm an

animal. You and I are animals, and we don't need money to survive. I

hope you can understand me. I need you to go on. I look forward to

seeing you soon.

Until then,

'gasp' he he hahaha. Of all the things to find in a lunchbox,

worthless paper--money. Whose joke is this? Who's laughing at me right

now? Why is this here for me--to tempt me? Does life want me to open a

bank account? He haha. Not likely. I know money--I know money. What

is the value of this moment, in this place, with this--money? How much

can something like this hold? How rich am I right now?

What would Erin do with this? Would he take it? Would he start a

new life with a new house and a new car? Would he have lots of friends?

Would people like me?

'hey' --> 'gasp' 'Aaron?' yes--yes.

Know Thyself

oh god--oh god!

PS --what happened to us? How could we drift so far apart? The

cold--the cold. I feel it now--rejuvenating, understanding. I had

forgotten about Love--about the pain of loneliness, about you

Aaron--about us. You have it now. You have the gift, the warmth, the

life. Take it from me, yes, take it from me--from the city. 'cough'

It's colder now. It's so cold. I can't get out anymore--I can't get

out! But you can--you can, and I know you will--I know; I know.

Remember me. Goodbye.

Love Aaron