Either way, I just want to get some shit off my brain...

where should I start?

Work

I have been working about twenty five hour weeks since I got back from Italy. This isn't a bad thing, as I have had no money, and will have no money until Friday, but it means that my life has now started to revolve around work. This is a bad thing. I hate to say it, but every day I find that I don't really need a lot of money, I can live without the needless fast-food lunches, the iced caps, and the cigarette addiction, but I realize these things when I'm at work trying to fill the hours with $7.51. This makes no sense. I don't want my life to revolve around work, or money. I figured out that this is why I never really hated school as much as I thought I did. When I was at school, I was revolving around school, and not work. The only problem with this is that I hated the fact that my life revolved around school. I guess I just don't want my life to revolve around anything, is that such a problem? Well, how is it possible? The whole situation is reminiscent of Decartes meditations. My life revolves around nothing, therefore it revolves. It is inescapable.

School

I have yet to finish my portfolio for my IAOD registration. I just have to finish drawing my pictures for my storyboard. I don't know why I havn't finished yet, but I think it is because I'm afraid to try. School frightens me. I think that, because I have always put in a "B," and always got out a "B," I will somehow not get what I need out of this course. I have it all planed out, but I am just not doing it. Why? I will do them tomorrow. I will do them tomorrow. I will. I need to try really hard in this course. I can't just slack off and pass like I did for four years. I need to realise that this course is for me and not the province of Ontario. This is for my future. I guess I just don't want my life to revolve around my future. FUCK!

Friends

I really want to spend time with my friends, but I don't have enough money to do all the things I want to do. I need to work to make money. When I work I don't get to see my friends because I'm working. What the fuck happened?

Girl

She is never around, and never really will be. I like her more than anyone, but I just don't know what to do anymore. What am I doing? I can't end anything. It all hurts me too much. I can't even think about it without a welt forming in my throat.

Cigarettes

Passive suicide, thanks I think I will.

PEACE - Tristan